Diagnosis

As I begin this crazy journey called cancer, I thought it would be a good idea to keep a journal of what is happening to me and of my thoughts.  I know there will be days that I will not want to talk to anyone and other days when I will need the support that comes with conversation.  So if I don't answer my phone or texts, you are welcome to come here and read what is going on with me.

This all started on Tuesday when I felt that I had better go to the ER.  I was having a very uncomfortable tightness in my chest.  Because of some heart issues in my family, I really thought I might be having a heart attack.  So at 5 am Ken took me to the ER.  They did an EKG right away to check my heart, but that didn't show anything.  So the next step was to give me baby aspirin, get an IV inserted, draw blood and start testing for different things such as a pulmonary embolism or gall bladder problems.  I got a CT scan - nothing.  Then an ultrasound which showed some suspicious spots on my liver.  Then an MRI.  Well, that really got their attention.  There was a big mass on my liver.  The doctor came in to show us the MRI pictures and talk about what it could be.  It was a tumor, but not sure if it was benign or cancerous.  The next step was a liver biopsy to get samples to analyze.  The results would be back in a couple of days.  The doctor set up an appointment for me on Friday to meet with an oncologist.  I guess that should have been a clue that he thought it was cancerous! During the day, the pain had subsided and after almost 12 hours we were able to leave and go home.

I was not really worried and was hoping for the best when I got a call from the radiologist on Thursday to tell me that the tumor was cancerous.  Some might think that getting that news by phone was not the best way to hear about it, but I was very grateful to know before I went to see the oncologist.  It gave Ken and I time to digest the news and think of all the questions we wanted to ask.

We met with Dr. Wallentine on Friday and received an official diagnosis.  Large B-cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.  There is so much for us to learn about all of this, but the thing we walked away with is that this aggressive cancer is very common, very treatable and in most cases curable.  That is the good news.  The bad news, of course, is that I will have to receive chemotherapy treatments.  I need to have a couple more tests done before they can determine the stage the cancer is in. But that will not change the treatment, it will only determine how many rounds of chemo I will need.  It will either be 4 or 6 rounds with treatment every 21 days.

It all seems so surreal.  I can't think of any symptoms other than being more tired than usual lately. Even the blood tests didn't indicate a problem.  They called this an unusual situation.

I have had such a range of emotions the last few days.  But mostly I am feeling gratitude.  Gratitude that I went to the ER so that this could be found.  So grateful for Ken and his love.  I know that he will be such a strength to me.  Grateful for my family, extended family and friends who have expressed so much love and concern.  Grateful for the doctors and their knowledge of this disease and what needs to be done to fight it.  And grateful to my Savior because I know he can, and will, comfort and strengthen me.

This scripture means a lot to me right now.
"And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." Alma 7:12

The tests that I need couldn't be scheduled right away, so Ken and I decided to go ahead with our plans to spend the week in Colorado.  I am so glad we did.  This time together with no interruptions has been wonderful.  We are able to share our concerns and feelings.  He is wonderful - but I already knew that!